The real reason I'm going on a spiritual retreat when the world is on fire

Dear friends,

Last winter, on a call for people involved with his collective trauma healing work, Thomas Hübl said something that stayed with me: 

“If I want to play a different game than Monopoly, then I need to change my inner gameboard.”

That’s the real reason I’m returning to India.

If I want to help midwife a different world, I have to keep transforming the parts of me that still believe in the old one. For the past few years, retreats with my teacher Patrick Connor (specifically the one at Arunachala) have been the most catalytic setting I’ve found for this work.

Much of what drives us lives outside our conscious awareness. We think we’re operating from our values, but old scripts pull the strings unless we slow down enough to feel what’s actually here. Working with Thomas and Patrick has helped me see parts I hid from myself long ago — not to judge them, but to relate to them with honesty and care.

Recently, Patrick has been inviting us to explore the script of unworthiness and the subtle ways we compete with others. It’s helped me to recognize a young part of me that reacts with fear when I see someone in my field being praised, out of concern that there won’t be enough appreciation left for me.

I used to shove that feeling away and try to be “above it.” Now I try to pause, listen, and offer that part some warmth. Little by little, I am feeling something open — a genuine wish for others to flourish, and a deeper capacity to enjoy my own successes without fear.

The more I look, the more I realize that many of those same attitudes I’ve been disturbed by “out there” are actually in here.  

As long as I relate to anyone as a competitor, I’m still feeding the belief system of capitalism with my consciousness. 

Real change asks us to bring these hidden places into the light, feel them fully, and meet them with love. Only then can we choose a different way of being — personally and collectively.

If this work resonates with you and you feel called to support this next layer of my training, you can contribute to my retreat fund here: https://fundrazr.com/send-Hannah-to-India

And if you’re entering a season of true inner change and want a coach who can walk with you through the tender and luminous parts, I would be honored to support you. You can purchase tickets for my upcoming, post-retreat workshop, or one-on-one coaching sessions, at that link also.

Love,

Hannah